I Can Only Imagine


I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine

Childlike Faith

~ Childlike Faith ~

I spent one week in Spain with my father and we had the chance to speak of our faiths and about the bible etc. It was great.

I told my father how I was irritated when reading Leviticus and Deuteronomy. How I couldn´t possibly understand why God was treating the people like He was. Killing them one after another all the time. Giving up on them, not believing in them and not being merciful. That how could God do what He did to all those people in those times!

And my father told me also that he does not understand the old testament either too much. That all he is depending on is his childlike faith in God and that he doesn´t know if it´s enough, but that´s how he lives in his faith.

So today I shared with him that it´s all right to have such a faith as his. Isn´t that exactly how we should belive in God, with a childlike faith?

"Jesus urges us to be childlike, not childish in our faith. Childishness is self-centeredness, immature, foolish, naive. Childlike means: believing, genuine, honest, trusting, open. Are we being childish in our faith--wanting only our way? Are we undeveloped in our faith? Immature spiritually? Or is our faith childlike: believing, genuine, trusting. Christ needs childlike followers who will openly receive His guidance and live lives of genuine faith and love"
Ref in Quote : http://www.imperishableinheritance.com/2004/child-like-faith/

I told dad to read Mark 10:13-15
"Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them,but Jesus said, "Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."After he placed his hands on them, he went away." Dad was touched. He did not know that his childlike faith is enough.

So I tell you all, just believe...I know you have questions, that´s okay...and I know you don´t understand everything...so just seek and you will find...ask and you will be answered...and just belive like a child would !!

And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:2-3

The Ultimate Test

~ The Ultimate Test ~

God truly tests us. He throws all kinds of bad situations our way and hopes that we can cope and have faith in Him that He will help us through everything, so that we don´t need to worry at all.
After all, tomorrow has it´s on worries to worry about !!

When He is close to taking a loved one away from you, well that´s the ultimate test. I remember yesterday sharing a dream I had about my mother passing away and how I was upset and worried. God sent an angel to me in a dream to tell me that I need not worry for my mother is well and good with our Father in Heaven. And I was filled with relief and happiness knowing that she is in a better place and well. I believed still yesterday that I´d truly be at peace and happy for my mother if this would happen, if she would pass on, 'cause I knew she´d be with God.

Today all that security and faith was taken away from me.
My mother is in a really serious health condition...just heard today and I can´t help but to think how am I ever gonna make it without her in my life, that God can´t take her away from me, from us, from my family !!!

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence." - Jeremiah 17:7

Jelaousy

~Jelaousy~

I was smacked right in my face a few days ago with a horrible anxiety attack of jelaousy. It was horrible. The feeling just rushed over me like a wave of water and I couldn´t control it. I was filled with anger and hate towards this feeling.

I really wanted it to go away but it just stuck with me for a moment. It started slowly fading away and I was left with a feeling of confusion.

In my heart I prayed to God that He would just take these kinds of feelings away. Because they are bad, they make me feel bad and they make others feel bad as a reaction.

What I do understand from this feeling of "jelaousy" is that it´s linked with LOVE. If that makes any sense at all since I just said it´s a bad feeling.

This, is a part of me that I really need to work extra hard on. It´s not that it has a hold of my life or that it would occur every day, but when it does it´s really powerful and I get so down and depressed feeling the lowest of lows.

I can overcome this. I have to think positive, think peacefully, pray for humility and patience, forgivness and all that is good.

"But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57

Love yourself

~ Love yourself ~

Yesterday was a great day for me until the evening came.
I had a training session with my boyfriend at Myllypuro last night.
I was supposed to do jumps and then blockstarts, but everything went wrong.

I felt so bad, so big, so clumbsy and uggly and the whole training session went down the drain.

This is something I struggle with, not daily, but often enough for it to interfere with my life. 'This' being a low and bad self-esteem and self-image.

I was bullied when I was a child for many years and that really left scars in me. I continuesly compare myself with people, I don´t believe in myself, I undermine myself and I just feel so ugly and useless many times.

Yesterday was that kind of day. I couldn´t carry on with the training just because the jumps went wrong and I felt so heavy and big. Then I lost my motivation of doing the blockstarts aswell, I tried, but ended up feeling even bigger and clumbsier.

Sometimes THIS really gets to me, and I pray. I pray that God would just wash His love on me so that I´d love myself as well. I keep trying to change myself, so that I could love myself. However I keep thinking if I can´t love myself who can? God can, God loves me. I want to love myself, but why is it so hard?

'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.' Deut 6:5; Lev 19:18

The power of prayer

~ The power of prayer ~

Today I had a very interesting discussion with my boyfriend about prayer. It was so great to openly disucss with him about this topic. We used to, in the beginning of our relationship, talk a lot about the Lord and our beliefs. We both are believers but we are both at different levels in our faith.

Dayo mentioned a testimony that Pastor Shaun had shared to him and his classmate today and then one thing led to another and we were completely drowned in a discussion about prayer and the bible. It was great, I really enjoyed it.

This discussion made me see new sides in Dayo and how God is working in him and has worked in him. Prayer is truly a priviledge that we have, and we should commit to it every day, several times a day.

I was struggling before with praying and then I made a commitment to pray everay day and really focus on it and give time to the Lord. I managed very well for quite a long time, and I was proud for doing that. However now I am straight back to where I was before.

I need to start from the beginning again and give time and thought into praying, 'cause like I said, it´s a very important part of our faith. Prayer is powerful. And I want to submit to it fully.

'Nevertheless, listen to my prayer and my plea, O Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is making to you today.' 1 Kings 8:28

Seeking your true self and the Lord

~The Lord works in mysterious ways~

I have recently been enlighted of so many things in my life. I have also been blessed with new friends, great friends, friends that I never even imagined I would have. And it´s such a blessing.
I want to thank the LORD for that !!

I am also learning of new characteristics within me, and new things of the Lord. And THAT is exactly what this blog will be about, or is created for.

I created this blog along side my attempts of seeking my inner self and the Lord. I hope that this blog will keep me some what grounded, or how should I put it...

A while back I had a three week break from going to church due to various reasons...and once I went back I could feel this heavy barrier that had grown inbetween me and the Lord. It was horrible. I was in Lord´s house and I couldn´t feel Him, I couldn´t see Him. The world and satan had pulled me away from Him.

And I was so sad to have realized that I had allowed this to happen. Then and there I decided that I will not ever let a three week break from church arise again...it´s just too much, it´s too long of a time away from God.

Needless to say, I hope having this blog will take me closer to God.
It will be my place of prayer and thoughts...of worship and praise...a little piece of sanctuary!